The question of why friends and family interfere so much in our
marriages, in the Indian context, has been vexing me for some time.
And I believe, I've finally cracked it!
The answer is simple.
It is because we invite them into our marriages. Let me explain.
Take a random Indian wedding invitation. Yes I am talking
about both the printed variety as well as the ones that are nowadays ubiquitous
on social media (mainly Facebook & Twitter). Up front and centre the invitation reads:
“Smt. and Shri (or the more modern Mrs. and Mr) So and So,
Cordially invite you with family and friends…… “
- Ahaa! The first mistake! You might as well invite the whole town. We
are all one big family and where the bloodline breaks, we have so many friends!
Of the social media (Facebook) variety!
But the problem does not stop there! The next words are in
my opinion the root cause of the whole problem. Continuing with our example:
“Smt. and Shri (or
the more modern Mrs. and Mr) So and So, Cordially invite you with family and
friends to the marriage of their
daughter (or son) XYZ with ABC
etc etc…… “ .
Note that I have highlighted the word ‘marriage’. Now that
means the whole period from the time the young couple tie the knot till ‘Death
doth do them apart’! That’s what is
commonly meant by the term marriage. e.g., “my marriage is successful”, “She is
in her third marriage”, or that famous line from Princess Diana, “I often felt
there were three of us in this marriage”.
So if you invite someone (and worse still with their family and friends) to the “marriage”, you have invited
them for a long, long time.
Now I don’t believe in just diagnosing the problem and not
giving a remedy. The first simple remedy is to put the names of the persons you
are inviting on the top of the invite and cut out the ‘with family and friends’ part.
But this is not so effective until you follow the second
corrective step. Replace the word ‘marriage’
with ‘wedding’ or ‘wedding
ceremony’. This way you are sure that you are inviting certain specified
individuals (& not their whole brood consisting of extended family &
friends) to a certain specified ceremony/function called– yes you guessed it –
the ‘wedding’. This is the brief 2-3 hours that it takes for the bride and the groom
to exchange vows, accept the gifts from invitees and for all to enjoy the good
food, music and dance and then depart.
So if you want peace and quiet from interfering friends and
relatives in any marriage, amend your invitation to read:
“Smt. and Shri (or the more modern Mrs. and Mr) So and So, cordially
invite you to the wedding ceremony of
their daughter (or son) XYZ with ABC
etc etc…… “.
Problem solved!
